Theme by nostrich.
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For some reason, I find myself drawn to horror.
I like to write for it.
I want to film for it.
I love to ridicule it.
When it comes to writing for it, I remember when I was getting into Richard Matheson and the impression he left on me. While I’m a fan of Poe and certainly there are numerous other horror authors worth reading, Matheson’s writing just clicked with me. For the first time, I wanted to write stories like that. Now, he never wrote exclusively for horror, and neither would I, but those stories are the ones that stand out the most to me.
When it comes to writing, I won’t have any barriers. I’ll write whatever I want at any time, but I feel like now I have a direction. And story ideas I’ve had for months are coming back to me.
When it comes to filming for it, I would probably never try a serious horror flick. I love comedy too much and horror flicks practically serve you the jokes. I wouldn’t make “scary movie” type flicks either because that’s not creative comedy anymore, if it ever was.
BEGIN STUPID STORY OF EXPLAINING WHAT TYPES OF MOVIES I’D LIKE TO FILM.
I remember when I was in a 10th grade I took a filmmaking class. I honestly didn’t care about too much at that point, so passing was never on my to-do list. I would spend the period just talking bullshit with two other guys (Pat and Paul) when we all were supposed to be working on something.
The teacher, while a nice enough woman, didn’t take kindly to our lack of attention and eventually we had to take the camera out and film things. The only time we made anything approaching decent was when we worked together in some fashion.
We made a lot of stupid shit. Eventually, Pat, who actually took the class slightly seriously (He was in advanced filmmaking which was the same period but had different assignments), had to film something creative.
I don’t know how we came up with the idea of hunting for big foot, exactly. But eventually it formed into something that was honestly hilarious (at least at the time).
So out we went. I, playing the idiotic professor and Paul playing the other guy. We ran into fences, ate plants, pretended to get our asses kicked by sasquatch, and had a lot of fun frankly.
I honestly loved working on that and I miss that feeling a lot. Probably my least favorite thing about my current school is how there aren’t anymore days like that.
For the rest of the year, I wanted to do a follow up searching for the loch ness monster. Paul wouldn’t show up for class for the rest of the year, and the idea would never come to fruition.
END OF STUPID STORY
The reason I liked that so much was taking some myth as a starting point, and then just bullshitting from there.
The reason I bring up horror with this is that there are many supposedly haunted places where I live. All sorts of shit.
And I want to fuck with it and make it funny.
Once again, I’m not restricting myself from everything else (there’s a lot of things I’d like to film), but I think that’s a pretty solid idea.
I won’t say I miss those days. For the most part, they sucked. But I do miss those hours of screwing around and actually having something fun made in the process.
Anyway, I’m going to stop writing this shit now. Bye.
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With that last youtube video, I spent more time working than I thought I would. The video took me a good few hours to film, edit, and upload. It’s not getting a lot of attention and only has 1 rating so far, but I’m proud that I managed to capture exactly what I wanted to in that video.
And now I’ve got a taste for movie making that I haven’t had in a long time.
I’m amazed that I managed to make that 5 minute video based off just some fucking annoying internet advertisements. Not only that, but I managed to get the edits right where I wanted them.
So I’m thinking about what other movies I could make. My youtube channel is sort of at a standstill because I can’t really think about anything to talk about or make funny. But Youtube is being pretty terrible these days anyway, so I’m thinking outside of youtube.
Me and my friend are already thinking about comedy sketches. We have some pretty good ideas and if they never come through, it won’t be from a lack of trying.
Right now, I have this idea for a wilderness documentary like the shows Man vs Wild and Survivor man. With some horror elements all wrapped in a delicious comedy tortilla. That could be a lot of fun to film.
So, yeah, movie making is on my to-do list.
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I have this feeling tonight that the craziest thing I believe is that anything will work out, ever.
It just feels like every single thing is bound to go wrong and the only person not accepting that right now is me.
Maybe this is true. But it took me over a year to find even a little optimism and hope and I’m just not willing to let it go.
All that matters right now is that it’s summer break, and I need to find some ways to make this time less boring.
Right now, getting up and surfing the web is bullshit. Occasionally swimming and playing tablu tennisue aside, I haven’t done anything really.
It’s boring and makes me think of my time at my old school.
I spent two years skipping classes and barely squeezing by. So, my question is this. What the fuck was I doing with all that time?
Apparently not meeting anybody (I’ve had the same two fucking friends since elementary).
Apparently not doing anything, really.
Then again, most of the people at that school made me really uncomfortable. There was a reason for a lot of my silence in those days. Still, it’s frustrating to think of what you could be doing when you’re bored out of your mind.
If something doesn’t change, I’m going out killing. Probably just myself, but you should watch your ass if you happen to see me out and about and I’m by myself with a facial expression matching that of a homeless man.
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I just had a jam session with a storm.
Fuck, that was awesome. Made a boring day by myself turn into something really cool.
Tis a good night.
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My boredom has gotten to the point that I’m making youtube videos again.
The channel is Adentai.
You brought me to this point.
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Nothing interesting has happened at all today.
It’s only been a week or so into summer break and I’m bored out of my mind.
That is all.
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I tried to go to bed early tonight. Failed miserably, but now I have to stay awake when I actually am tired for spider hunting.
I don’t know where this particular 8 legs of evil came from, but its big and fast. And I know if I let this go I’m getting fucking bit. So we’re playing the waiting game while he hides under my desk, like the coward it is.
Spiders are cowardly creatures, and they’re the reason I don’t believe there’s a god.
If, by some luck, I ever get a girlfriend, she better be able to handle spiders better than me.
I turned simple fear into rage. I can’t have them near me, and when there’s one in my house I take it as a personal insult. I don’t just hit it with a shoe. I swing my shoe like it’s the world series and I’m up to bat. I swing like I’m holding Thor’s hammer. I swing hard enough to put a dent in a wall or break a window. I swing like I’m aged, married hippy.
Actually, that last one isn’t reallly accurate.
Fuck, the pussy was perfectly fine running around until I saw him and now that the light is back on he won’t come out.
Probably the smart move because I’m going to end this motherfucker.
Have a good one. Preferably without spiders.
UPDATE: Spider hasn’t come out. Needless to say, I’ll have a lovely new spider bite because I need to get some sleep. I’ve combed the entire underside of my desk. It is just fucking gone.
There’s always tomorrow night I guess. And this does give me a good idea for a story. Maybe get back to that whole writing thing I’ve talked about for over a year.
Fuck spiders.
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It is past midnight.
The wacky redneck neighbor across the street is shouting into the night.
Doesn’t bother me too much because I’m always awake at these hours.
He keeps a blow up doll in his meat delivery truck.
That’s all the entertainment I can really get tonight.
Better than nothing.
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I can’t seem to play a game these days without obsessing over it. Instead of chilling out for an hour or two and making some progress, I latch onto the game and end up playing until my body starts to die on me.
So it took me about three days of this marathon type playing to finally beat Half-Life 2. Then today I beat Episode 1. I still have episode 2 to get to but I’m so burnt out on these games that I’ll probably take a break for awhile.
Don’t get me wrong. They’re great and a lot of fun for a guy like me who doesn’t play many multiplayer games these days. The problem I have with them is that the things that start out as neat little features last longer than they should. Shooting a car to plug an alien bug tunnel (I can’t phrase it without it sounding dirty, sorry) is fun for the first two times.
But damn it! This is Half Life. You better believe we’ll be having you do this as long as we fucking can.
So it’s a good way to start the summer, I guess. Beating a game I’ve had forever that also makes me nauseous is something of an accomplishment in my book.
I used the pool for the first time yesterday. I didn’t go in today because the weather was kind of shitty but I don’t know if I would’ve gone in anyway. Now that I’ve been in the water, I realize how out of shape I really am.
Its good to have something available to me that will just destroy my confidence.
“Look how long I can go on this treadmill. Ain’t I something?!”
Yeah, but you can’t go one lap in a pool without needing to take 5 minutes for your weak ass lungs.
I’m not really fat. I’m just a really weak swimmer. A “weak-sauce” swimmer, if you will.
I think what I’m trying to say here is that I suck and I hate me.
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I’m going to miss these days where I can eat an entire pizza and not show it in the slightest.
I’m also going to miss the days where I can blow 20 dollars on pizza simply because I have 20 dollars.
With that said, I’m tired. Have a good one.
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It never ceases to amaze me my how ridiculously attractive I find the eyes of some girls.
Maybe not attractive in a sexual way, since you can’t fuck an eye. You can certainly try, but I don’t see reality on your side. Still, there’s just something beautiful about them to me.
While I have no specific preferences when it comes to girls, one thing has always stood out with every girl I’ve been really attracted to. Their eyes usually left a large impression.
I don’t know what it is. There’s no trend in the color. They just captured me.
Some people use eyes and the expression around them to determine things about the person. I can’t do that, but I will get lost in them like they’re black holes.
Oh, and I wanted to clarify my position on Twitter. It’s a stupid thing. If you can not use it, go with that. You’ll notice I don’t update it for days. That’s because I don’t take it seriously. When I have a chicken sandwich, I don’t tweet while I’m enjoying it. I make little remarks about impossible things or I use it to insult Peter Molyneux.
The only reason I don’t do the same with myspace and facebook is because I have no idea how that would work.
I’m go stumble upon some more because that’s kind of my life these days.
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Fuck. So bored.
I keep wanting to write something. I know that’s what I should be doing at least on some level. But I can’t write on here about anything. Nothing interesting is happening in my life. These last few days have been rather somber and dull. These traits aren’t very good to talk about.
Part of me wants to write something more than just a blog post. Work on a story or maybe even a full book. This is called ambition and there’s a voice in my head that makes sure to destroy it whenever it turns up like one would squash an ant.
“You don’t have any good ideas.”
“You won’t finish it.”
“Even if you did, who would give a fuck besides you?”
These are a few of the sentences in my head that prevent me from doing just about everything I want to do. They all come from the same damn voice and honestly, its time to get rid of it.
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So I told you guys about how I got new shirts. A black one, a tan one, and a red one.
Well, since they are my shirts after all, things aren’t going as expected.
They’re all pretty decent shirts of comfort and all, but one of them has a problem. One of these shirts is cursed.
I’ve worn the red one two times since I’ve gotten it, and each time I’ve gotten a seriously bad nose bleed. There is no reason to it, just anytime I put on the shirt my head becomes a blood fountain and I have to fight with it for at least an hour. The blood red colored shirt is causing blood to shoot out my body.
I’m convinced that my shirt is self-aware, and definitely doesn’t want to be worn by anybody.
But I see this as too awesome of an opportunity to see some crazy shit. I will keep wearing this blood shirt, and hopefully it’ll accept me as its master after some time.
It’s kind of like braving a mummy’s tomb. Except with nosebleeds instead of death.
~Ben
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2 more days of school left. I might go to both of them or I may go to one of them. Hell, maybe I’ll go to neither of them.
There’s no end to the possibilities.
Other than that, I’m just trying to find a way to spend my weekend.
That is what’s up.
~Ben
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